There comes a time when you must not share your mental torment and insane mutterings with your friends, when you should just leave the poor little buggers alone and seek the soothing guidance of someone who will make you pay through the nose. It was time to call in the professionals but l struggled with the who, the where, the how.
So l turned to my old friend Google. I Googled… Melbourne – psychologist and found the professional organization site and within the search section, l selected all my mental aches and pains and the area l resided. And bingo, bango there she was….’Ooo La Laa’. I call her thus, because she is French.
I imagined two things before meeting her.
1/ If she was to be shit at her job, she would sound good.
2/ She would utter the words’ “oooooo la laaa” after every sentence l uttered. Disappointingly, this was not the case.
I’d been going through a slump, no movement in the swamp and had failed in a job interview for a cracker of a job, l was living next door to my ex and this was now hindering the natural flow of moving forward. I felt a little unable to cope and l little unsure of myself…….so time to call in the French Legion.
So what is my point of this Blog entry? Not so much a declaration that l was troubled, but that sometimes you just get bogged. The very fact that l finally decided to talk things through meant that l was going to budge, to think………to change.
Change was already in the wind, l was thinking of travel and l had signed up to an Internet dating website. I visited Ooo La Laa for maybe three sessions but these were usually three weeks apart. Each time l returned l had to give her a quick revise on my history, countries l’d visited dates l’d been on….in attempt to remind her who l was and what the hell l was doing handing $120 cold hard cash to her. Was l even on the books? …ooooo la la.
She was in her late 50’s perhaps early 60’s, elegant…….French looking but she looked tired, wrecked, drained from years of fucked-up stories. She lived in an equally elegant abode in South Melbourne. Ooo La Laa was not slumming it but could have done with a break and a bit of dye applied to the grey regrowth.
I felt that she looked more drained than l did, that did not seem to be of any comfort.
Although difficult to get an appointment, on leaving my first session she did say “If you eeeva feel soo dark that you must go to the West Gate Bridge, call me”.
In true form, l stated. “I don’t drive”.
l’m sure that for some, it should not be divulged that there is another option to a bridge....was her next statement professional negligence?
“Well, if you feel like throwing yourself infront of a tram, call me”. I assured her that l would…..if the need arose. …ooooo la la.
Ooo La Laa taught me:
- Change is good.
- That internet dating is the way of the times....but l was already onto this one.
- It is important to have a list…… “Would you go shopping without a list?"
"Noooooooo”, she said.. . …ooooo la la.
- Do not,under any circumstance think that you are in love with the person on the other end of the computer…you have not met, you do not know them.
The internet seemed to be helping her business. Poor souls, looking for love and when they meet their other on the other side of the keyboard, they were a nerd with the inability to connect without adding a smiley face at the end of each sentence. So Ooo La Laa was encouraging me to continue this internet route…….but would it benefit her in the end? Would l be ringing her from a tram stop “Ooo La Laa, help me……l met my internet love and she was a 50 year old man named Bruce with halitosis……l’m gonna jump.”
She also reassured me that l was not a snob, that it was perfectly normal to judge people online by how they looked. Going through the process of acknowledging what sort of person l was attracted to. She simply stated, “Would you buy a couch if you did not like the fabric?” …ooooo la la.
We did not last long together...me and Ooo La Laa. She could not give me enough of her time, l was changing too fast, moving on. But this was a good thing, l had outgrown her and maybe one less outpouring of a soul would give her some time to fix her roots.
I left a message on her answering machine to cancel my last appointment. I found it to be a little tardy and “ohh so French”, that she did not return my call.
Perhaps l should send her a postcard from Sydney.
Dear Ooo La Laaa,
Times they were a changing.
Have shipped my couch to Sydney.
Loving the new fabric.
X Not so Startled Bunny
…..ooooo la laaaaaaaa
